Things have changed.
Plans have failed.
I look for meaning on a grander scale.
My hopes are dashed
as the storm begins,
and I lose my foothold once again.
Life's script is torn.
It's pages scattered
as if the script had never mattered.
All that is left
is the longing for what was lost.
How was I to know this would be the cost?
Life unscripted, cut short
and drawn to a close
not the way anyone chose.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Friday, April 13, 2012
Here's to the Hold Outs
If you live in suburbia like I do every once in a while you may notice a piece of land that seems out of place. On this land there may be an old farm house, perhaps some cattle, or maybe even some crops growing. The land doesn't look at all like the subdivisions and shopping centers it is squeezed in between. In fact, it probably was in place long before these structures ever existed.
There, on that piece of land resides what I affectionately call "the hold outs". These are the people that refused to give up their land, their tradition in favor of progress. They do this despite hardship and pressure from the outside world. Continuously they toil on plots of land that have become sacred to them. These people are not defined by modern societies standards, but rather a set of standards that they, themselves have dictated.
Perhaps the reason I find such a kinship with these dear folks, is that I too feel like a hold out. Society tells us that our worth is measured by our paycheck, yet I do not earn a paycheck. Society also tells us that the modern woman doesn't need to cook, clean, or provide unassisted care for the children yet I do these things. Undoubtedly, my families financial burden would be lighter if I had a job. My workload would be made more bearable if I hired a cleaning service, ate out, and sent my children to day care, but all of this would not make me who I want to be. I refuse conform to societies standards. Instead I choose to set my own standards based on "antiquated" ideas because I believe that this is the right thing for me to do. There are, of course, times when I feel inadequate, as if what I am doing doesn't matter because society doesn't commend it. It is at during those times I like to drive by that ever present calm field in the middle of a swirl of commotion and think to myself "Here's to us hold outs".
To some, this land is a nuisance. It serves as a reminder of an antiquated lifestyle that society no longer embraces. Often, it is considered a smelly, eye sore that is standing in the way of development. In my mind however, there is a depth of meaning to be found there on that unyielding ground.
There, on that piece of land resides what I affectionately call "the hold outs". These are the people that refused to give up their land, their tradition in favor of progress. They do this despite hardship and pressure from the outside world. Continuously they toil on plots of land that have become sacred to them. These people are not defined by modern societies standards, but rather a set of standards that they, themselves have dictated.
Perhaps the reason I find such a kinship with these dear folks, is that I too feel like a hold out. Society tells us that our worth is measured by our paycheck, yet I do not earn a paycheck. Society also tells us that the modern woman doesn't need to cook, clean, or provide unassisted care for the children yet I do these things. Undoubtedly, my families financial burden would be lighter if I had a job. My workload would be made more bearable if I hired a cleaning service, ate out, and sent my children to day care, but all of this would not make me who I want to be. I refuse conform to societies standards. Instead I choose to set my own standards based on "antiquated" ideas because I believe that this is the right thing for me to do. There are, of course, times when I feel inadequate, as if what I am doing doesn't matter because society doesn't commend it. It is at during those times I like to drive by that ever present calm field in the middle of a swirl of commotion and think to myself "Here's to us hold outs".
If I Were in Charge
If I were in charge there would be no war, no violence, no blood shed. There would be no need for soldiers or guns and the world would know peace.
If I were in charge no one would spend more than they earned, including the powers that run this great land. Our treasures would be the people we hold dear, rather than the things we bought that distract us from them.
If I were in charge there would be no hungry children or families unable to afford the necessities. People would take care of each other rather than relying on a corrupt system of elected liars to meet the need.
If I were in charge those that desperately desired children would have their hearts comforted by the fulfillment of that yearning, if not naturally than through affordable adoption. No woman would ever be given the incredible gift of life inside her if she was willing to sacrifice this gift for convenience sake.
Unfortunately I am not in charge, nor will I ever be. My only hope resides in the fact that changes can be made to these ends. Somehow the sorrow, anger, and affliction of past mistakes and bad decision making must be learned from. We must not continue on this path that will lead to our self destructive end.
If I were in charge no one would spend more than they earned, including the powers that run this great land. Our treasures would be the people we hold dear, rather than the things we bought that distract us from them.
If I were in charge there would be no hungry children or families unable to afford the necessities. People would take care of each other rather than relying on a corrupt system of elected liars to meet the need.
If I were in charge those that desperately desired children would have their hearts comforted by the fulfillment of that yearning, if not naturally than through affordable adoption. No woman would ever be given the incredible gift of life inside her if she was willing to sacrifice this gift for convenience sake.
Unfortunately I am not in charge, nor will I ever be. My only hope resides in the fact that changes can be made to these ends. Somehow the sorrow, anger, and affliction of past mistakes and bad decision making must be learned from. We must not continue on this path that will lead to our self destructive end.
April 13th 2012
Today I learned you were inside me
My dearest, little unknown
My heart leaps at your possibility
and will revel as I watch you grow
You are the sum of my hope
an answer to prayer
All of my joy
is simply knowing you are there
Right now all I can do is to beg you to stay
unlike the others that had to fly away
Sweet little person
stay safe where you found your start
Until I hold you in my arms
I will hold you in my heart
My dearest, little unknown
My heart leaps at your possibility
and will revel as I watch you grow
You are the sum of my hope
an answer to prayer
All of my joy
is simply knowing you are there
Right now all I can do is to beg you to stay
unlike the others that had to fly away
Sweet little person
stay safe where you found your start
Until I hold you in my arms
I will hold you in my heart
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