Keep The Change

      Since my last post my little family has experienced a great deal of change. As a general rule, I don't deal with change well. I am the type of person that enjoy predictability and routine and am throw through a loop when that is tampered with. It's not as if I'm against having new experiences, but for the most part I find the familiar far more enjoyable. This is especially applies to my home life. The last two years have put this part of me to the test and taught me a great deal about myself and about life.
     First of all, we welcomed baby Eleanor to our family. She was born at 38 weeks and 6 days. She arrived perfectly health and was my very first take home baby. She is now nearly a year and a half old and changes every day it seems. She has quite a BIG personality for such a small person. She just recently started sleeping through the night, a feat that I didn't think would ever happen. She is constantly into everything and daily finds new messes to make! She also is talking a bit and FINALLY says "momma" on a regular basis (she used to only do so when she was angry).
      We also sold the first home we have ever owned. It sold so quickly that we weren't able to get a replacement soon enough so we were "hobos", as my son called us, for about two months. We stayed with friends until we were able to find another place to live. It was rough on everyone (probably on me the most), but made having a place of our own that much sweeter. Now we are all settled in our new home. It seems to be a perfect fit for us. It has four bedrooms and even an office area. It also has a large yard and a mature pear tree! It was worth all the stress and outbursts (once again me) that it took to get here.
      The move has allowed us to send our older children to public school this year. After years of being homeschooling, I was nervous about how they would handle the change. I am proud to say they have surpassed all my expectations!  Kambre was awarded Star Student this past week and Kasen has been called brilliant a number of times by his teacher. They both have faced this new chapter of their lives with positive attitudes and eagerness.
     It surprises me how my children so readily adapt to all the craziness that is our lives. When I balk at change and fear it, my children (especially Kambre) seek it out and embrace it. To them change is a grand adventure. Although I may never be that enthusiastic about it, I now am more aware that change can be a good and even necessary thing.

Waiting on an Angel

       So many things have happened since my last post. First of all, we found out that our precious baby is a girl. Also my thankfulness of insurance has waned considerably since fighting over claims is no fun, especially since I never seem to win. Finally my mom has come to stay with us because I am now on full time bed rest and can't take care of things.
       One of the most encouraging things to happen is that I've managed to carry our little one to 36 weeks. Although it hasn't been easy and has required me to forgo a lot, it has been totally worth it. I've never been able to make it this far before. This means that a NICU stay for baby girl is far less likely.  
      While I spend my day laying on the couch (not as enjoyable as it sounds), I find myself reflecting on all that has brought us to this point.  I realize, now more than ever, how completely blessed I am. I have an amazing, skilled doctor who is genuinely invested in the outcome of all of this. I also have a wonderfully supportive family that is willing to take time off work to care for me. Probably the most amazing blessings is the possibility that I may actually have my very first "take home baby".
      Those that know me the best know how significant it would be to me to take home a baby right after birth. Leaving each of my babes behind was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. To be able to avoid that would go a long way to heal some pretty big hurts that I've felt. So I find myself patiently waiting on my angel, until the day she is ready to come.

Thank the Lord for Good Insurance!

My husband works for a hospital, so it would make sense that his insurance would provide excellent coverage. I never realized just how fortunate we are for this until this new baby came into our lives. I have had SIX ultrasounds, a host of very expensive blood tests, AND a $7500 procedure all at NO COST to us. I haven't even mentioned the fact that my insurance company is not only covering, but insisting on progesterone injections which is something most insurance companies refuse to cover. To say I am blessed is an understatement.

Before all this unfolded, I worried in earnest that this new child would bankrupt our family. I had no idea how we would be able to cover all the expenses that one of my pregnancies incurred. I still wonder how we will cover the maximum expensive of $8000 if something should go wrong, but when you compare that amount to a typical $500,000 NICU stay it seems trivial.

As the resident worrier in my household, it is amazing that I have peace about our financial situation during this time. I know that God has placed us here for such a time as this. It has taken many hard lessons for me to learn that being in control is NOT the goal of my life. Instead I am to trust my life to God's will and timing. It's funny to me how this lesson can be reiterated with something so unexpected as dealing with an insurance company.

Pregnancy Announcement

Today I have officially made it to 12 weeks of pregnancy so I decided to celebrate by making a fun announcement. Admittedly it took over an hour to make, but it was well worth it. I am finally starting to believe that I might actually get to keep this little one and my excitement is growing right along with my belly!

Peace at Last

It's amazing how when I truly seek solace in God, he readily provides it. Not an hour after my last posting I received an email from an acquaintance who had, unbeknownst to me, dealt with some of the same issues I have encountered recently in this pregnancy. Sometimes all it takes for me to feel more stable is to know that I'm not alone in all of this. To top it off, I received a good report at my doctor yesterday. Apparently we were able to discover my issue before it claimed my baby's life or mine. Although this pregnancy hasn't been what I had hoped it would be, I feel extremely blessed to be where I am right now, daily shots in my belly and all!  As my doctor said yesterday, in order to get through this with my sanity I must celebrate the small victories and try not to focus so much on the big, scary picture. Yesterday seeing my little one alive and well was one of those victories and you can bet I'm celebrating!

Bridge Over Troubled Waters

The last few weeks have not been easy. My stress level has been extremely high and there isn't much relief in sight. I feel like I'm caught in a whirl pool and am moments away from being sucked under. In addition to every day stress, the start of a new school year, finding a new doctor, and being forced to drop all my college courses, I've received news that several things aren't normal in my pregnancy. Although I try to keep positive, my experience prevents me from fully doing this. I'm emotionally drained and sleep deprived. I desperately need to be pulled from this abyss and have my feet put back on something stable.

It is the idea of finding steady footing that made me think about a bridge over troubled waters. How such a bridge exists for the purpose of providing safe passage for all who seek it.  With that in mind, I realized that God fits perfectly into that analogy.  He is the only safe passage when life's worries seek to overcome you.  Doctors, prescriptions, and even friends and family members cannot do what God can. Right now all I can do is find my way to His bridge because for me the alternative is to drown.

That's the Beat of the Heart

     A heartbeat, the simple sound of life. Sometimes its presents goes unnoticed while other times it is all that matters. Today was one of those moments where a heartbeat needed to be heard. It was the sound that I ached to hear, I prayed to hear. When that soft whoosh whoosh came from the ultrasound machine I came completely undone. There is was lying on the table and I finally was hearing the sound of hope, the sound of fears diminishing, the sound of assurance that I had longed to hear for over a year. Today I heard a heartbeat were once no sound remained. For this day I will forever be grateful.